He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
