Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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