How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
