I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
