trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
