I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize