I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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