Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
