just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
