Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
