Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
