you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
