And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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