walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
