I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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