'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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