Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize