I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
