how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
