"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
