Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
