I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
