She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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