Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
