I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
