I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
