you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
