if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
