her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
