1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
