So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
