An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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