My brain says no but my pants say off.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
