1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
smell my finger.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
