I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
