Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
