using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
