I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
