My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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