I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
