What did we do last night that was yellow?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
