I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
