Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
