how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
