when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
