i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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