look no pants
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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