I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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