life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm both gender and math confused
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
