I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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