I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
