if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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