Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
