So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
