Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
