I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
