Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
