so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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