let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I need to stop coming to work sober
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
