Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
