Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
