She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
