i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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