You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
