remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
