You smell like a Billy Joel song
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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