all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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