to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize