im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize