Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
